I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
