So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
