one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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