and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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