i jhust puked up my retainher.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Randomize
