what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I love having hate sex.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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