I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize