What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
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i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
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and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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