Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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