he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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