yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
