I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
