How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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