I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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