i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
