As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
two words: eviction party
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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