do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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