I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
