I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
