You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Only a mothe r could love this liver
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
