I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Randomize
