i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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