when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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