If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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