There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
