can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
