I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
