I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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