On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
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just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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