At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
