I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
