Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
