well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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