If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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