AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
