Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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