I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
