so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Randomize
