How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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