He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
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Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
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You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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