he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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