goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
