my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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