Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
