don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
