I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
