I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
