What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
