I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
