But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
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I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
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Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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