my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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