I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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