nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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