One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
