I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
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i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
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Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.