Are we in a gay sports bar?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!