Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
I am invincible.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick