i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.