come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.