Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
