enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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