i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
