Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
