If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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