I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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