It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
