I'm jealous of your bromance
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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