I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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