you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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