he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
