Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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