This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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