I want to have your abortion
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
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