If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
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all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
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The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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