Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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