What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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