youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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